


No Need to Close the Door

by Kierastarlight



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU Cockles, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe M/M, Asexuality, Bonds, Breeders, Celibacy, Celibates, Cockles, Cockles - Relationship - Freeform, Colony on the moon, Dystopian, Futuristic society, M/M, Non-Consensual, Population problems, Romance, Science Fiction, The Moon - Freeform, far-fetched, population control, sci fi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1293919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kierastarlight/pseuds/Kierastarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Misha live in an alternate universe, in the future, where over-population is a huge problem and mandated celibacy is part of the solution. Both were given the life of a celibate, however the bond they discover with each other becomes a force they can't ignore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I've been thinking about for years. Several years I posted a version of this with the title "The Unborn Song" on a community that doesn't exist anymore on Livejournal. I've also posted another version, just a chapter, under another name at Fictionpress. 
> 
> I've re-written several parts of the story that was posted on Livejournal, and hope now to post here and eventually complete it. I decided on Jensen/Misha rather than Dean/Castiel because even though this is very AU, I feel like at least Jensen and Misha have some similarities to the characters I created, while Dean and Castiel really do not. 
> 
> This society is pretty far-fetched. But I really, really wanted to play with it.
> 
> I do not title this fic "The Unborn Song" because I intend to write another story, with very similar premises - and use that title for it. It will be a different story though. I plan to post that here as well.

_There comes a time, when it comes to creating a masterpiece, that the first brushstroke needs to be put on the canvas… And the end result is not necessarily one whole picture, but many, many layers that just happen to become one…_

 

* * *

 

 

_Hypocrite, that’s exactly what you are, Jensen Ackles. A prime example of a hypocrite._

 

Jensen rubbed his forehead as he watched the moon engulf his vision. What had once been a small circle of light in the sky was now approaching him like a welcoming lover. He shook his head, dispelling the haunting memory that had overcome him, and struck a determination in his mind that he was not a hypocrite. He had chosen to live on the moon because he _wasn’t_ who Misha thought he was.

 

He wasn't one hundred percent sure about that, but was so tired of struggling with it. Which was why he finally did something he’d been considering all week - he took out his carry-comp, uploaded his finest achievement, and then hit DELETE. He felt better after doing it, but now that he had erased the most important reason he had been granted permission to move to the moon, he needed to come up with an explanation for the Population Board.

 

 

He didn’t want to think about that now. He’d been waiting two years to move to the moon, and wanted to soak in the experience. The horizon of brilliant white was vivid from his viewport, and he marveled at the landscape of the moon, each crater or mountain that had stayed silent and unmoved for thousands of years. Eventually Selene was in view, a small bubble on the landscape, which looked like an old fashioned paperweight until it was the only thing he could see as the spacecraft docked next to it.

 

The shuttlecraft landed at the docking port as smoothly as an elevator; he barely noticed that they had stopped moving. He wished his arrival at the moon would also go so unnoticed. However, just as he had anticipated, he was met with lingering glances as he stepped out onto the crowded launchpad. He cringed.

 

One woman examined his face like a piece of fine art, and then scowled when she saw the white band on his wrist.

 

Some things never changed. He sighed, and he did consider himself lucky, though, that all he had to deal with on the shuttle was a few stares. Focus, he told himself. At least things can’t be as bad as they were on Earth. Eighty percent of the population of the moon was celibate.

 

A scanner took his fingerprint and retinal scan, verified that he had permission to be on the moon, and let him through a final sealed hatch.

 

Security wasn’t done with him yet. “Your name and ID, please,” a female security guard stated in monotone.

 

“Jensen Ackles, 8843, 7-YYT, 9238, H4997, QRZT.”

 

The woman thanked him and went to recording the next arrival.

 

He spotted his friend, Cori, amongst the crowd, and they met up after weaving past several human obstacles. She looked up at him wide-eyed, and then crushed him in a bear hug.

 

“Jensen! So good to see you! How was your flight?”

 

Jensen pulled away and took a good look at his friend. She had done a great job on her compu-self, because she looked exactly like it, down to the short, light brown hair with a slight upturning curl, and the liquid blue eyes. She was even the right height, the top of her head up only to his shoulder blades. She had freckles and even a tan, and Jensen wondered which method she had used to get it.

 

She noticed he was scrutinizing her looks, and she punched him playfully on the shoulder. “You’re the one who’s an eyeful, Jen! Look at you!”

 

“Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know,” Jensen said. “I find out about it on a regular basis. I’d love to be nondescript.”

 

Cori giggled. “Well, if nothing else, at least you’re modest. Can I show you around the moon, my dear guest?”

 

“Gladly.” Jensen looked out eagerly at the plaza.

 

Selene, the only city on the moon, was beautiful. At least what he could see of topside was. Most of the city was underground, so that people living on Earth wouldn’t have their view tarnished. Topside of Selene was under a weather-controlled dome that gave the illusion of beautiful sunny, warm days and bright blue sky. It was small enough that Earth residents couldn’t see the blemish as they gazed upon the moon, but large enough to allow for a widespread plaza area that was very rare on crowded Earth.

 

The plaza was so large it spanned out farther than Jensen could see, at least to the left and right of him. Ahead of him, a five minute walk away, he reveled in the fact that the crowd from the terminal had dissipated, and he was actually looking at _wide open space_. They stopped walking near a very large pool and fountain shooting water over two floors tall. He could measure out the length of the fountain spray because there was a massive building behind it, with several stories. There was a gigantically wide staircase that was at the entrance of the building, with several people sitting on the steps, which were as gleaming white and clean as the plaza tiles underneath him. Some of the people wore white robes. Jensen knew from Cori’s previous description of some of the moon residents that they considered themselves “Pures” He was eager to meet some of them, but that could wait.

 

“You booked a night at the Celebrex?” Cori said. “Let’s go there first and drop off your stuff.” They headed in the direction of a tall skyscraper that had mirrored glass all around it. It reflected the color blue, and was beautiful to look at, like all the buildings up here on the plaza. “Wait till you see this place at night,” Cori said. It’s stunning.” Jensen knew when she said night, she meant a simulated night, since Selene was on the sun-warmed side of the moon that was visible to the Earth.

 

One of the cleaning robots rolled past them, shiny chrome that didn’t detract from the beauty of the plaza. “Is that one of yours?” Jensen asked.

 

“No. I’ve made similar cleaning robots though. Someone’s always wanting to upgrade them. Recently I’ve just been making mining robots.”

 

Jensen watched the robot clean efficiently, sucking back up the soapy water it used, and drying the stone tile simultaneously.

 

“So, what are your impressions so far?” Cori asked.

 

“About the moon? Selene?” Jensen asked. She nodded. “I can’t believe I am here. It’s beautiful. And so – uncrowded – compared to Earth cities.”

 

She chuckled. “That’s why it took two years for you to get permission to live here. Heck, just to visit, people usually have to wait six months.”

 

Jensen suddenly remembered deleting his project, now wondering if that was wise – getting permission to live on the moon was not something to be taken for granted. He tried remember if he had backup copies somewhere, and then after a few moments of thinking about it, realized he felt confident in his decision to delete it. He was glad he had a couple days to decide what his excuse would be for the Population Board.

 

He wanted his life here to be a fresh start. He was 221,456 miles from Earth now, literally a world away, and he rejoiced at the fact that he would no longer face temptation. He was now free to live the life he was born to live, and free from the constant nagging potential of running into Misha. He felt reborn.

 

They walked towards their motel while Cori pointed out different buildings on Topside. One that stood out to him was the Greenery, a tall building covered with green tinted glass and numerous balconies overflowing with plants. It was dedicated to growing real food. It gave him a wistful memory of the Greenhouse back at Tech school. He couldn’t wait to get a tour later.

 

Looking out at the wide plaza before him, Jensen felt this is the way life should be. He could see wide open spaces that were _not_ filled with _people_! He could spread his arms out and spin in a circle and not hit anyone! He decided to try it.

 

“You goof!” Cori laughed. Jensen stopped spinning and realized people weren’t even staring at him. He was going to love this place! He also noticed there were not very many children, but that made sense. With eighty percent of the population celibate, there wouldn’t be many children.

 

He wanted to take a closer look at one of the large fountains. A fountain on Earth would be a luxury, most cities did not have any, and here on Selene there were several. They’d already walked past three large pools with several fountain geysers in each. He remembered from his research that water on the moon came from buried ice layers deep underground, and it was supposedly the most delicious water anyone had tasted. He looked for a drinking fountain and found one next to the large decorative fountain he was closest to. He marveled at the fact there was no line to take a drink and then took a long gulp.

 

“What do you think?” Cori asked him.

 

Jensen swished some of it on his tongue. “It has a flavor! It’s slightly mineraly, very cold and refreshing too! And it’s in abundance here on the moon?”

 

“Yes, dear friend. No rations of water here. We’re living a charmed life, for sure.”

 

Jensen smiled and stepped closer to the large fountain. It had several jets of water, some of them shooting as high as the second floor of the building next door. He took a moment to watch one of larger fountains of water shoot straight into the air and then cascade back down into a crystal clear pool. He could see the white tiles at the bottom of the fountain. Cori leaned in and he could see in the ripples of the water, a distorted reflection of them. He waved. They both laughed. Jensen had never seen clear water in his entire life, other than the water that was purified for drinking and bathing at home.

 

Cori stepped back, but Jensen continued to look down at the pool. He noticed a dark head of hair suddenly behind him, and he nearly jumped out of his skin, because the distorted reflection reminded him very much of Misha. The haunting feeling he’d had on the shuttlecraft came back…Misha, despite no longer being in his life, felt like his shadow sometimes. They had been so close that Jensen felt it would take an entire lifetime to remove the layers of feelings he had associated with Misha.

 

He caught his breath and reminded himself that Misha was far, far away on Earth. He turned around to look at the person standing behind him, just to reassure himself there was nothing to worry about.

 

He expected to be smiling and nodding at a stranger, instead he was looking at the face he knew better than his own.

 

_Misha’s._

 

Jensen gasped and stepped back, and actually fell into the fountain. It was cold. The shock of the cold water was still nothing compared to the utter shock that he’d just been face to face with Misha. A realization hit him like a ton of bricks, he wasn’t going to have the carefree, fresh new life he’d been expecting. Misha was here, and he was back to square one, back to waking up every single morning wondering if he’d made the right choice. Back to wondering everyday if he’d run into Misha and then of course wondering what choice he’d make, once that happened.

 

Well, it _did_ happen, and already the _Choice_ was staring him in the face, just like Misha was. But gratefully, his strong conviction to stick to his inclinations was winning. Seeing Misha again was just as refreshing, if not more so, than that crisp, cold moon icewater, but Jensen felt determination to live his life as it was intended for him. But, as he had imagined many times in the last year, now that he was face to face with Misha, he felt his conviction wavering somewhat, hitting pockets of doubt inside his mind, and his heart. He attempted to brush that aside.

 

Misha was helping him out of the water, there was a strong grip on his arm and Jensen stumbled out of the fountain, shivering. Misha stood there, his mouth hanging open. He was just as shocked as Jensen. They hadn’t laid eyes on one another for a year.

 

A year and a month and two days. Yes, Jensen kept count.

 

Misha was staring at Jensen, mouth still hanging open just slightly. Jensen felt as if time had stopped. There was Misha, in the flesh, peering back at him with eyes that spoke words in a language that only the two of them knew. All of Jensen’s reasons for moving to the moon came crashing down in an instant, and his convictions to live his life away from Misha were crashing down for a moment as well. Until he firmly reminded himself of what he wanted in life, but it was almost impossible to remind himself, with the floodwaters of his feelings for Misha crashing down in his chest and Misha being close enough to touch, once more.

 

Cori just stood and stared. “Wow. Wow. Wow. This must be…”

 

“Jen…Jensen,” Misha finally muttered, and the sound of that gravelly voice was pure electricity inside Jensen. Jensen wanted to run away before he became completely overwhelmed. He’d only heard Misha say his name so far, and already his knees were faltering. He wondered briefly why he wasn’t falling back into the pool. He felt no stability inside of him, so assumed his legs would follow suit. But he managed to stay standing, and step out of the pool.

 

Jensen just stood there not saying anything, and Misha coughed nervously. “You should probably go to your hotel and get a towel, dry off.”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. He was having a very difficult time telling his feet to walk in the direction of the hotel, however.

 

“Look, Jensen,” Misha said. “It’s really good to see you.” He broke out in a tremendously gorgeous smile. “I feel like I should send a thank you card to the Population Board.”

 

“How did you get here?” Jensen had to ask. “You hadn’t applied when I did, and the waiting list…plus…I thought…”

 

Misha was still smiling at him, and Jensen was feeling done for. “Work brought me here. I was requested.”

 

Both Jensen and Cori looked at Misha wide-eyed. “That’s…that’s amazing, Misha. Wow.” Jensen felt right then he needed to leave, head to his hotel, and try to bring back the feeling he’d had when he stepped onto Selene, that he was starting his life fresh. Because right now, looking at Misha, his feelings were suffocating him, even though he knew they couldn’t go back to what they had, because they each wanted different things. Very different things.

 

Jensen shivered and hugged himself with his arms. “Yeah, I need to go, and I’m surprised you’re here, but that’s awesome they asked for you. I know building a bridge on the moon was one of your dreams.”

 

“You know a lot of things about me,” Misha said softly. “Take care, Jensen.” He turned and walked off. Jensen took that as his cue to head to his hotel.

 

They walked over to the Celebrex, Jensen utterly speechless by what had happened. Cori could tell Jensen needed a moment, and didn’t pry. They walked through large glass revolving doors and headed to the front desk. After they checked in, the desk clerk was kind enough to hand Jensen a towel so he could dry off. Jensen noted the clerk’s white band and other employee’s white bands on their wrist. It helped him relax. This hotel was exclusively for celibates, although there was always the potential that Misha would stay here as well. He doubted it, since Misha probably had his own place by now. Misha hadn’t been carting around luggage like Jensen.

 

Jensen didn’t want his first in-person visit with Cori and day on the moon overshadowed by running into Misha, but that’s exactly what was happening. Jensen’s heart was clutched with so many emotions at once, longing, regret, anger, even a thread of hope, and he wanted to ignore that last feeling, and not give it any chance for life. While they walked up to his room, Cori suggested that after dinner Jensen talk about Misha, to get it out of his system. Jensen agreed, and started to feel lighter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's first evening on Selene, the moon city, continued

With that detail out of his way, Jensen felt he could pay attention to the present. His friend Cori was bubbly and personable just like in Compuspace, and was talking about her daily life creating robots, her close friends at work, and pointing out the window of the hotel at buildings and amenities, so Jensen would know what they were.

 

After dumping off his two luggage bags in his tiny room, and changing into drier clothes, he took a good long moment to peek out at the view, which was fantastic – beyond the widespread plaza below and the buildings of the city, he could see mountains in the distance, despite the dome - they decided to go to an eating lounge for dinner.

 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Cori smiled at him. “And I have to get used to what you really look like. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are incredibly handsome. Are you still going to look like your plain compuself when we go to Compuspace?”

 

“Probably. I’m inconspicuous that way.” He smiled back at her. “And as long as you aren’t trying to lean in to kiss me, trying to convince me that I’m not celibate, I don’t mind you remarking on my looks.”

 

“Don’t forget I’m celibate too, you silly,” Cori teased him. “But I can’t believe my best friend is THIS good looking. Wow! Makes me wish I was a painter.” She noticed that he looked uncomfortable. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to paint you.” She realized what was bothering him. “Look, not everybody is like Misha. Not me, anyway.”

 

“Nobody is like Misha,” Jensen said softly. “Let’s go eat.”

 

There was an eating lounge on the first floor of the hotel. They took a seat at a table and slipped on simulation goggles. Jensen felt the brief pressure on his eyes as the retinal scanners connected with him. A pretty waitress (according to the goggles – but it was really just a robot) took their order. Jensen ordered buttered lobster, and Cori ordered ham and potatoes.

 

Eating lounges hadn’t made the customers wait for their food for a long time. The robot whipped out their dishes almost instantaneously. They both picked up their utensils even though the nutrition blocks they were eating could be eaten with their hands. The forks and knifes added to the realism of their supposed meal.

 

Jensen’s brain was telling him he was eating succulent, juicy lobster. He could even feel the butter running past his lips and down his chin. This was a good program, worth what it cost. When he mentioned how good it was out loud, Cori said, “Did you know they used to throw those poor creatures in a pot of boiling water while still alive? Way back when?”

 

“Boiling? Isn’t that extremely hot water?” Jensen asked.

 

“Really hot water. Hot like fire.”

 

“Oh. That’s terrible. I don’t think I could eat this if that was what had happened to the animal.”

 

“I wish I could meet a real life animal,” Cori said. “I can’t help but wonder how accurate a compu-pet is, when we’ve never seen the real thing.”

 

“Not to mention whether or not all the animals we can take as pets were probably not domesticated. I think the common pet was either a dog or a cat.”

 

They continued discussing pets for awhile. Jensen already knew Cori’s favorite compu-pet, a tiger named Delaney, and she was describing his latest antics. Until Cori steered the subject somehow to Misha.

 

“What are you going to do about him being here?” she asked. “Selene is a relatively small city, even with all the underground levels. I know you’re thinking about it. You moved here to get away from him, and Earth is much bigger than Selene.”

 

“I’m still not over the shock that he’s here.” Jensen admitted. “He must have an incredibly important project to work on if they asked him here. He’s an engineer that builds bridges, so has there been anything in the news about new bridges?”

 

Cori’s eyes lit up. “Misha’s building the large bridge in the cavern? That’s him? Wow!”

 

“What large bridge in the cavern?”

 

Cori described how a huge cave was found underneath the surface. Jensen already knew there were many underground levels to Selene, but Cori was saying the cavern was so large that the Moon Population Board was planning on building an entirely new city in it. But they needed a multi-functional bridge. There was a very wide underground lake and they wanted a bridge to span over it. There were plans to have the bridge brightly lit to help laminate the cavern, and for multiple elevators to be attached to the bridge supports, so that people could literally go from mines at the bottom of the lake to the surface of the moon in a quick ride up. The most incredible thing about the bridge though, was that it was going to span a very long gap, approximately five miles across.

 

Jensen was in awe. “That’s Misha’s design alright. I remember him working on that in school,” he said softly.

 

“I’m impressed. So he was making plans for the moon when he was just in college?”

 

“Yes, he was making a lot of plans,” Jensen said. Then he asked Cori a personal question about her family, in an obvious effort to change the subject. Cori took a moment to switch gears, and then animatedly described what was going on with her mother back on Earth.

 

Jensen listened intently for awhile as he finished the remainder of his meal. A thought was bothering him – Misha and the moon made no logical sense, so he wondered out loud about it.

 

“Why would Misha want to live on the moon?” Jensen admitted to his thoughts when Cori finished up her tale about her mother. “I mean, I know he’s working here, but what I’m saying is, it’s such a pro-celibate environment, his - desires – would be frowned on here. At least on Earth, he can find underground societies where he can indulge – at least in Compuspace. That is if you don’t get caught.”

 

Cori looked down at her food. Or at least at what looked like ham and potatoes to her.

 

“What? What is it, Cori?”

 

“Jensen, even though Selene has a high population of Celibates, it isn’t policed like it is over there on Earth. I think it’s just because generally most people are celibate anyway. Oh yeah, they keep the breeders from messing with the celibates, that is for sure, but for the most part, celibates here don’t need to be told what to do or not do. So in that light, I’m afraid that – well – Misha has more freedom here than he would on Earth.”

 

Jensen was speechless. He would have thought that the environment on Selene would help keep Misha away from him. But knowing that there was an element of freedom on Selene that he didn’t expect – scared him more than he was willing to admit.

 

Jensen wasn’t sure if it was Misha he was more afraid of, or himself.

 

“I think that’s how the Pure’s came to be here,” Cori said, continuing her explanation. “To just help keep the celibate way of life going strong – even without treatments – yeah, I know that wouldn’t be allowed on Earth – but anyway they practically made a religion out of it.”

 

“Some celibates aren’t treated here?” Jensen asked.

 

“Yeah, but only if they’re dedicated Pures.”

 

Cori paused, taking another bite of her food. “So anyway, don’t let Misha push you around, though! Be firm and tell him you aren’t interested. Not only that – it’s still illegal, well, technically, anyway.”

 

“Cori,” Jensen said, his voice lowered. “If it were that simple, I would have just stayed on Earth! All I would have to do is call the police if I really needed to!”

 

Cori raised an eyebrow. “You need to tell me more about it all,” she said, “and we’re almost done eating. Let’s go out for a quick evening walk so I can show you more of the plaza, then it will be time to go back to your room and dish out the details.” She knew some of what had happened from previous discussions with Jensen in Compuspace, but since Compuspace was highly regulated and always limited to a couple of hours a day, she didn’t know the whole story.

 

They finished up and walked back outside. Jensen was impressed that inside the dome there was a gentle warm breeze that felt like the real thing. Leaves were rustling in the nearby trees. It felt like a perfect summer’s evening. He felt nervous at the thought of running into Misha again, and made a mental note to search on his computer pad once he got back to the hotel for Misha’s address. If he knew where Misha lived, he could steer clear of that general area.

 

He also thought of what Cori had said earlier, to be firm and not let Misha push him around. That’s exactly what he intended to do, and was why he broke up with him a little over a year ago. He felt better already. He wasn’t sure he was up to the daily challenge of seeing if he ran into Misha, but if he was firm not only with Misha, but also with himself, there was nothing to worry about, really.

 

Other than the intense feelings of longing he felt moving within the depths of him like a long, underground river, with no beginning and no end. He sighed.

 

His fantasy that Misha would be out of sight and out of mind was officially over, and he’d only been here a for a few hours.

 

They walked around for a little while, and Jensen enjoyed the beauty of the city immensely. Now that it was ‘night’, lights were on in the plaza and in surrounding buildings, and everything looked so fresh and clean and new. Gorgeous lampposts illuminated their path and Jensen had to marvel at how quiet the evening was. Other than hearing a few conversations, a few bouts of laughter, it was incredibly quiet and peaceful in this city, compared to Earth. They circled a couple of city blocks together and then decided to head back.

 

Back in the hotel, they both dragged chairs up to the sliding glass door so they could look at the view as they talked - Jensen refused to do it out on the balcony despite how pleasant the weather was. He didn’t want to be heard at all – heck he felt guilty even just talking period about what he had to say.

 

“Do you like him?” Cori asked, and Jensen knew what she was implying. She was a little too eager to talk about the forbidden subject, Jensen thought, but reminded himself he knew his friend, and he was certain that her curiosity had to do with concern for him more than a desire to indulge in discussing wrongdoing. Celibates in general were chemically altered and raised differently, so for the most part they never gave a care about what kind of a life they were missing – the life the breeders had.

 

“Yes, I told you that, remember? I said that I needed to get away so I could focus on just living my life, not fending him off non-stop. But I haven’t seen him for a year anyway – so that’s not really even true – to be honest I was hoping I could fend off my own feelings while living here. Why do I have them, Cori? I’m a chemically altered celibate, where do these feelings come from?”

 

“We’re still human,” Cori said gently. “Maybe you just need more treatment.”

 

“I don’t want that. Or maybe I do. I don’t know. And it’s not like I want to behave as badly as Misha does, or do I?”

 

“How did you keep feelings going for that long without seeing or talking to him? I mean I don’t know jack about relationships, but from talking to some of my breeder friends, feelings can fizzle out as time goes by, especially when there is no contact.”

 

An image of Misha standing wistfully on one of his bridge designs with the help of Jensen’s Compuspace program came to his mind. Misha’s sense of accomplishment was apparent in his impish smile, and his beautiful eyes held all of his hopes regarding the bridges he would build. Misha stood there, his profile with arched brows, sleek nose, cushioned lips and tousled dark hair, and knowing what this man could accomplish, was absolutely perfect to behold. Jensen felt flushed with love, just with the memory, and the fact that he’d seen Misha in the flesh today helped infuse his entire being with love as he remembered Misha.

 

“I didn’t have to keep the feelings going,” Jensen stated plainly. “They kept going perfectly well on their own.”

 

Cori shrugged, as a celibate, relationships were not her forte. Jensen could see the curiosity on her face and he wanted to oblige her, to tell her what had happened. He wondered though, how much he could tell her, without breaching the rules of their society. He would do his best.

 

Just approaching the subject was a very taboo subject with celibates. If you absolutely had to talk about it, - dealing with actions or feelings that were meant exclusively for breeders - you went to a doctor and got another chemical treatment. Celibacy for part of the population was taken very seriously because of the need for population control. He had this feeling though that rules were going to be breached tonight if he was going to tell his story. He felt guilty about how he could be tarnishing her innocence.

 

But some feelings were okay. Even Celibates were drawn into a bond with another person, and there were intimacies that were allowed. Levels of closeness that were not frowned upon, as long as you weren’t engaging in certain actions. Not that celibates even knew anything about such actions. It was a cultural thing that celibates were not taught about, or engaged in conversations about the forbidden topic that was only for breeders - sex. The chemical treatments already kept them from having desires, and the keeping a celibate’s life clean of any sex talk helped keep the treatment from backfiring. No temptation, no sex.

 

“You know me, I’m all about celibacy,” Jensen said. “But when it comes to Misha…sometimes I do wonder if I was supposed to…if I could…let’s just say Misha has me questioning things sometimes. Just the memory of him had me questioning things this last year.”

 

“What happened? And – can two men breed anyway? I don’t think they can, but you know how our society likes to keep us in the dark.”

 

“No,” Jensen said, “Two men cannot breed. I know this from Misha. But it’s part of the long story with Misha – why even a homosexual relationship with us was not allowed, and believe me, Misha tried to convince the Population Board. All because of me. Because he loved me. And I loved him back.”

 

“And I still love him, Cori,” Jensen said. “But part of me feels like what he did was wrong. But part of me feels like what he did was right. I am so confused. I’ve been confused all this last year. And I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Other than what I told you in Compuspace briefly. And part of me does want to move forward and forget it. I’m celibate and I feel like it’s my duty to stay that way.”

 

“You can talk to me,” Cori said. “I won’t tell anyone.”

 

Jensen looked at her gratefully. “I do trust you. I am just afraid – I would be telling you things you shouldn’t ever hear. I would feel bad.”

 

“Jensen, society made us this way, but we’re still humans and I’ve learned a few things that you don’t know about either,” Cori said, giving him a smile. “Not about necessarily about breeding, but just things – about how this society is run – so I doubt you would really tarnish me. Remember, in the past, everyone used to be breeders. It’s the original human nature…”

 

“Now you’re scaring me. Now you’re sounding like Misha,” Jensen said.

 

“Jensen, just tell me what happened! I’m not going to be scarred for life. Besides, breeding doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I’m not going to go off wondering for years like you did, if I should be breeding instead of being celibate, I swear! Don’t worry.”

 

“You have time?” Jensen asked.

 

She slapped him in the shoulder. “Spill it, Jensen! My best friend is finally here in person. Yes I have time!”

 

“Okay,” he said gratefully, while still so unsure of himself, but feeling like a dam that he’d held up for years was finally breaking – and it felt wonderful. He began to talk. To remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the first chapter....this society is far fetched. As for how would anyone even know two people discussed sex, all I can think of for now is extreme brainwashing, and people confessing with extreme guilt. I'm sure I'll need to address this in the plot later. Also I understand it's hard to believe a large part of the population could be kept so naive. All I can say is I really wanted to play with this.


	3. Jensen's Past Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's Past - How Jensen and Misha met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next several chapters are flashbacks.

~Jensen’s Past~

 

Jensen had gone to a tech university after high school to study Compuspace Environment Design. Centerdyne Tech was a celibate only university, and only the best and brightest were accepted there. Jensen took his studies very seriously, not just because of the prestige of the school, but also because Compuspace design was the way that Jensen could create the places of his dreams – beautiful places for experiencing solitude. One nice thing about Centerdyne was that everyone only had to have _one_ roommate. Just one. Jensen had a roommate named Casey for the first three years, and they got to be good friends, but Casey transferred to another school for his fourth year. Jensen was assigned a new roommate. It was Misha.

 

Misha was studying architecture, specializing in bridge design. He came across right away as the strong and silent type. He wasn’t chatty like Casey had been, and was often absorbed in his work, which was studying and drawing out bridges on his drafting table. He would sit for hours silently drawing, leaning in to peer at his work closer, and rubbing the bangs of his hair with his left hand continuously when he was thinking.

 

Jensen had noticed that Misha had a very interesting profile one night as Misha sat there at the drafting table. He couldn’t help but stare, thinking of how Misha’s face looked as if it was chiseled out by a sculptor. And when Misha caught him staring, he looked up and looked at Jensen with the same curiosity. And Misha’s eyes seemed to hold Jensen’s there, not letting go, studying him, like he studied his bridge drawings, except, Jensen didn’t feel like he was merely being studied, he could feel Misha peering into his soul with those eyes of his, touching him somehow within… Jensen wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Jensen finally spoke.

 

“Um, so, tell me about your drawings? Your bridges?” Jensen asked

 

Misha finally looked down and pointed to the drawing, and started explaining things. Like how important and challenging it was to have a strong support system for a long bridge. That was Misha’s fascination; he wanted to be the one that designed the longest bridges in the world. Misha spoke of certain technical aspects of it, and looked at Jensen carefully each time he explained, and continued to explain patiently with new information until Jensen showed understanding in his eyes.

 

Jensen asked Misha why building the longest bridges were important to him. He expected something like _I enjoy the challenge_ or _I want to make the longest bridge, ever_ , as an answer.

 

Instead, Misha told him that there were communities in certain areas that had such a wide gap between them; they couldn’t connect without a bridge. He wanted them to be able to make that connection in a short time. Airspace was heavily regulated for safety reasons and as a result the average person could not travel certain gaps well, such as in the Grand Canyon. Now that cities were beginning to develop there, some of the communities were rather isolated.

 

Misha said, “I want to be the one that turns a situation of isolation into a situation of connection. It will open many doors and bring communities and people closer.” He smiled and added, “Plus I like heights. I look forward to standing on one of my bridges someday.”

 

Jensen looked at Misha with fascination. His overall perception of Misha had transformed quickly. His initial reaction was that Misha was rather aloof and enjoyed solitude, because he kept to himself most of the time, studying. Jensen could appreciate a need for solitude, and had kept a somewhat respectable distance. Now he saw Misha in an entirely new light. Connecting with others mattered to Misha, and Jensen could tell it was on a level that most people didn’t bother with. At least in Jensen’s experience. When Misha looked at Jensen, he could feel that Misha’s entire purpose at that moment was to make an inner connection with Jensen. He could feel it.

 

Jensen and Misha continued talking that night until Jensen was too tired and had to go lie down. Misha asked Jensen many questions about Compuspace Environment Design and always looked delighted with Jensen’s answers. And if he didn’t understand what Jensen was talking about, asked more questions and gave him a warm look of understanding and appreciation along with the words that he spoke when he finally understood the concepts Jensen was explaining.

 

Jensen went to bed while Misha went back to work at his drafting table. Misha often worked late into the night with just the lamp over his table glowing. Jensen closed his eyes for sleep and found that the image of Misha looking gently at him was what he wanted to hold onto to soothe him into sleep. And he felt content as he thought about how Misha was only a few feet away, washed with the soft glow of the desk lamp.

 

Jensen awoke the next morning to find that Misha had already awakened despite his staying up late to work on his project. Misha had on a crisp blue long sleeved dress shirt that Jensen couldn’t help but notice emphasized Misha’s dark blue eyes.

 

Misha had a warm smile for Jensen right away, and already Jensen was feeling like he was in the company of a good friend.

 

“Want to go to the Greenhouse for breakfast?” Misha asked him.

 

Immediately, Jensen said yes. The school’s greenhouse also had a small restaurant that served real food, fresh vegetables and fruits, and even some eggs and bread. It was a rare treat. Even better, Jensen felt excited to be going to do something with Misha. So far, they’d merely said hello to each other in their shared room, both busy with school work the past two weeks since Misha’s arrival.

 

It was a beautiful day outside despite the smog from the city, and Jensen felt happy as he and Misha walked together. He wasn’t fully conscious of that happiness, but whenever he looked back on that day, he realized that he truly had felt happy.

 

The sidewalks weren’t even that crowded as they walked. Jensen was dying to ask Misha a question, but hesitated at first. Finally when they had almost reached the Greenhouse, he asked.

 

“Misha?” He said his name like a question. Misha looked back at him attentively, almost stopped walking, it seemed to Jensen, because Misha was looking at him directly in the eyes again.

 

Jensen had to close his eyes for a moment. What was it about Misha that made Jensen feel incredibly important? It gave Jensen a rush that he wasn’t used to at all. It felt like total acceptance from someone who had barely known him the day before yesterday. The world was so crowded that people often kept to themselves anyway, so it was very unusual to feel such acceptance and warmth from someone you barely knew.

 

“Misha, please don’t take this the wrong way,” Jensen said, “But it surprised me that you care so much about connecting with others. You’d lived with me for about two weeks and pretty much kept to yourself. I can see now that what you say is true, you really do care. Well, um…” and then Misha interrupted him, thank goodness, thought Jensen. For some reason, this topic was making him feel incredibly nervous.

 

“Sorry about that,” Misha said, smiling. “I…I can get pretty absorbed in my in my work,” he said with the most delightful laugh Jensen had ever heard in his life. Jensen found himself laughing out loud himself, the sound of it made him feel so good.

 

“And,” Misha added, “I am rather shy…I hope I didn’t appear to be a snob.”

 

“Oh, no,” Jensen said quickly reassuring him. “We both get pretty busy with school. Don’t even worry about it.” He paused. “I’m…I’m really glad we’re getting to know each other now. You seem like a great guy.”

 

Misha only smiled back and nodded, and Jensen hoped he hadn’t been too forward. Instead Misha started explaining himself further – “I think the reason I’m obsessed with getting people connected is because of my shyness, which keeps me from being able to connect with others like I would be able to. I don’t know why, but it just bugs me to see so many strangers in the world. I’d rather know something about them, but then people don’t really want to connect most of the time anyway. There are so many people in the world now; I’m willing to bet it was easier to bond and connect before population became a huge problem.”

 

“It’s not every day we get the opportunity to really get to know someone who also wants to get to know you well back. I did some community service back home, mentored other younger celibates, but I only made a couple really good friends in high school,” Misha admitted shyly.

 

Jensen looked back in disbelief, that this incredibly striking man would even experience loneliness.

 

“People pretty much left me alone,” Misha continued, “other than to gawk at me back at home sometimes,” he said, laughing self-consciously. “Now I’m probably saying too much, sorry about that. And I am also very glad we’re getting to know each other. This is great.”

 

Jensen at that moment was incredibly glad he had spoken up after all, and was very happy that Misha felt the same way about their developing friendship. Misha and Jensen’s eyes met then, and it almost felt as if they had embraced, it was so significant compared to ordinary eye contact with people. They continued walking, and Jensen found himself wondering on the edge of his mind when he would get another look like that from Misha. He hoped it was soon.

 

They were almost to the Greenhouse now. Looking back to this day, everything seemed so vivid in Jensen’s memory. The clear blue sky right behind Misha’s blue shirt, the red flowers that grew in pots along the sidewalk, the greenhouse that was several stories high and always smelled wonderful from even a block away (a faintly floral and earthy smell), the cleanliness of the sidewalks (the school campus was good about having cleaning robots on campus), the small breeze that barely brushed past them, and the nearby trees that towered over them on the small plaza. There were fluffy clouds in the sky, Jensen even remembered that.

 

But then Jensen was sensitive to environments anyway, because he was planning on creating them for compuspace, but still, his memory was usually not this crisp.

 

They sat down and ordered eggs and fruit and buttered bread and it was an absolute feast. It had been weeks since Jensen had eaten real food. There was always an element of texture and taste in real food that you just didn’t get from simulation meals. Jensen was grateful that Misha and his ration period (real food was always rationed) were open at the same time as Jensen’s. They would be able to enjoy another meal like this together.

 

Jensen asked Misha if he’d ever had his bridge designs created in compuspace. Misha said no, but it was a great idea, because he could check on the stability of the bridge and look for any other issues in a totally safe environment. However, he didn’t know anyone who was willing to put that much effort into helping him recreate one of his bridges in compuspace because of the time limit incurred on every individual – no more than two hours a day recreation time, and to pay someone to create something like that for you could get expensive.

 

Jensen smiled and told him, “I’d be happy to try and figure out how to make one of your bridges in compuspace, and I do get more than two hours a day there, since it’s my major - we need time there to learn. I could ask one of my professors if I could have your bridge as one of my projects. It shouldn’t be a problem.”

 

Misha thought it was a wonderful idea and they started to talk about how they could go about it. They finished eating and walked out to the plaza and just sat outside on a bench enjoying the weather talking – it was Sunday and neither one of them had to do any homework.

 

Jensen and Misha ended up spending the entire day together. Jensen had wondered if Misha had something else he had to go do, but Misha never said anything and just kept hanging out with Jensen, which Jensen was grateful for. In fact, he was somewhat conscious of the fact that if Misha had needed to go do something else, he would have felt disappointment.

 

Later, back at their dorm room, Misha surprised Jensen with a strange question out of the blue.

 

“Jensen, do you ever wish you weren’t celibate?” Misha asked him.

 

“Um, no, I like being celibate,” Jensen said. “Besides, it’s just the way I am. I don’t even know what it means, really, to be a breeder, other to create offspring. I guess I am glad to be part of the solution to the population problem,” he said, practically quoting from his Celibacy training in high school, verbatim.

 

Jensen wanted to ask Misha why he asked, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask, and especially couldn’t bring himself to ask if Misha himself wished he were not celibate. That subject just wasn’t discussed among celibates. They were purposely kept naïve so that they would have no idea what they were missing. This was the beginning of a small internal tug inside Jensen that came up in certain discussions with Misha, a desire to step in and take the opportunity to learn more about Misha on a personal level, and his conflicting desire to stick with the program, so to speak, and just be a good celibate that didn’t probe into forbidden areas.

 

But Jensen was curious that night as he lay down for bed. In a rather innocent way, he realized long afterwards. He was just curious why Misha thought to ask the question, but was completely naïve to the implications of it, just in the way any child who knew absolutely nothing about breeding would be.

 


	4. Jensen's Past Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha and Jensen's friendship grows.

The weeks flew by, their schedules packed with classes and homework, and that heavy load on Jensen’s shoulders seemed lighter ever since he’d gotten to know Misha better that Sunday. The roommates made sure to make time to connect by sharing a thought or a joke, and a smile. Jensen looked forward to their daily connections. Then, their teachers approved the bridge project. They were very excited that they would both be standing together on Misha’s bridge someday soon, in the environment that Jensen was creating – a beautiful mountain scene with a large lake that would have the bridge across it. They had decided the bridge would be higher off the ground than usual, so they could both enjoy the height – and because Misha really wanted to work on support systems for high bridges.

 

A nature scene was a special challenge for Jensen. There were so many elements and details he had to pay attention to in order to make it look, feel, and smell realistic. Actual, real, nature scenes were scarce, as they had been spoiled more than a century ago by the civilization of man. Jensen hoped to specialize in nature scenes, so the project was just as beneficial to Jensen as it was to Misha. They were discussing the project one evening and Jensen was surprised to learn Misha didn’t use Compuspace much. People were allotted up to two hours a day and Misha used about two hours a _week._ Jensen had to remind himself that students that _weren’t_ majoring in Compuspace design probably didn’t have time for Compuspace. It did occur to Jensen then that Misha never talked about scheduling his Compuspace time except for his weekly visit with his family.

 

“So what _do_ you do with yourself?’ Jensen joked as they were setting up the initial bridge design for Misha on his computer.

 

Misha stared at Jensen incredulously. “Well, I do like to twiddle my thumbs on occasion. You’ve seen me; we live in the same room. I’m about a level 20 in thumb twiddling by now…”

 

Jensen punched Misha’s shoulder. “You dork!”

 

Jensen expected a jab back, but instead, Misha smiled sheepishly, and suddenly combed his fingers through his bangs, setting them in a state of disarray. Jensen reached over without even thinking about it, to fix them. Lay them straighter. “It’s more like you have a level 20 in messing up your bangs. You do it all the time.”

 

“Oh _really_?” Misha said. “So what else are you noticing about me?”

 

Jensen laughed. “Well, let’s see, you like to hunch over your desk all the time like the hunchback of Notre Dame."

 

Now Misha was laughing. “I didn’t realize the hunchback of Notre Dame liked to hunch all over my desk. I haven’t seen him around lately. Do you have photographic proof?”

 

Jensen whipped out his phone and quickly took a picture of Misha. “No, but I have photographic proof that you are a pain in the ass. Want to see?”

 

Misha shook his head and took out his phone, snapping a picture of Jensen holding out his phone. “My photographic proof of you being a pain in the ass trumps yours. We should have had the main structure of my bridge ready by now, but _nooo_ , Jensen wants to…”

 

“Jensen wants to clamp your mouth shut with a vise!” Jensen reached over and wrapped his arm around Misha’s head, and effectively clamped his hand over Misha’s mouth.

 

Jensen expected him to struggle, instead Misha merely reached up and took a photo of his clamped mouth. Then he struggled away.

 

“More proof,” he said simply, looking at the photo. “I could start an album.”

 

The next several minutes were a fury of them clicking their phones at each other, until they were doubled over laughing on their beds.

 

“Crap,” Jensen said. “We really should do our homework.”

 

“Or we could flunk,” Misha suggested.

 

“Tempting…but I don’t want to head back to Dallas and live in that crowded smog if I don’t have to. It’s kind of nice having just one person to deal with in my home, even if it is you.”

 

Jensen expected another attack, but Misha just lay on his pillow with a smile on his face. He looked at Jensen with affection, and said, “I wouldn’t want to change a thing. So we better not flunk. Let’s do this thing.”

 

They worked on that project till 1 am, when they were too tired to stay up any longer. Jensen went to bed spent but completely happy. It felt like Misha was becoming his new best friend and he hoped Misha felt the same way. Jensen sneaked a look at the pictures on his phone and had to stifle a laugh to keep from waking Misha up. When he came across the photo Misha had texted to him, of Jensen clamping his hand over Misha’s mouth, he remembered how soft Misha’s lips had been. Remembered them for several minutes, till he realized he had no idea why he enjoyed the sensation so much.

 

The next day after classes, they were both eager to get started on the project. They’d done all the prep work the day before, and now they could actually see their combined project in Compuspace for the first time.

 

They both sat down at their computers and Misha selected the bridge he’d been drafting for weeks, and put it in a folder that Jensen accessed from his computer. Jensen placed the bridge frame inside his own nature design. The bridge wasn’t mounted or secured to anything yet, that was going to be part of their work. For now, it was nothing more than the skeleton of one designed pasted into another. Jensen sent it to his own personal Compuspace work area, and then they walked to the Computer Science lab.

 

There, they entered a small room – Jensen’s Compuspace lab that he shared with only a few other students. They put on sensory goggles and Jensen fired up the beginning of their new program. The room briefly went dark, and then suddenly it lit up like a sunny day outside. They had entered Compuspace.

 

What had been a small – intricate, but still small, - draft of a bridge, was now a life size image in front of them. It towered over them. They were standing at the edge of a lake. Jensen looked to Misha, anticipating his reaction to seeing one of his own bridges life size for the first time.

 

Misha looked straight at Jensen instead. “Who are you?” He asked incredulously. “Where is Jensen?”

 

Confused for just a brief moment, Jensen realized he’d completely forgotten to tell Misha his Compuspace self was different in appearance than his real self. He laughed. “It’s me! This is how I choose to look in Compuspace.”

 

“But…but why? The real you looks great! Better than great!”

 

Jensen blushed at the compliment, and it sunk in it was the opposite of what he usually felt if someone mentioned, or even looked at, his face. He usually recoiled when someone remarked on how good looking he was, because he was celibate and they thought it was a waste that he wasn’t breeding. Even though they’d known each other for several weeks now, he’d never really let Misha know how he felt about his appearance. He noticed Misha’s Compuself was just him, and at the moment the computer was reading the tone of his voice and his body language and showing Jensen very clearly that Misha was expecting an answer to his question.

 

 

“Well, it doesn’t come up much at school, or even high school, because, you know, we’re all celibate at school, but whenever I’d hang out with my family, people would scoff at me, commenting out loud that it was a shame I was celibate. I decided I could be inconspicuous in Compuspace at least.”

 

Misha was quiet for a moment, and Jensen wondered if he appeared silly. Instead, he felt a light touch to his shoulder. “I know what you mean. I got some of that too, when out with my family. People need to just deal with who we are. But, I have to agree with them, in your case, it is a shame…” Misha’s Compuself was smiling widely.

 

“Misha!” Jensen shouted, and turned to face his control panel, blushing hotly. It was a quick reaction, and he reminded himself at least blushes didn’t show up well in Compuspace. Misha’s grin, on the other hand, came through perfectly. And so was his sincerity. Jensen didn’t know what to make of what Misha was saying. Or especially, what he was now _feeling_. It reminded him of that day they first went to the Greenhouse together, when he and Misha barely knew each other, but Misha looked at him like he was trying to reach inside him. He didn’t understand why, but he wanted _more_. More of the feeling, anyway, but he also felt confused about why, and also why Misha was saying it’s a shame Jensen was celibate. Why would that matter to another celibate? Why did it matter to Jensen? When he looked back at it now, he could see that it didn’t make sense. Celibate people didn’t care. They weren’t supposed to care.

 

Jensen turned to face Misha, and Misha slapped Jensen lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, man, I’m teasing you! I didn’t mean to throw you off.”

 

“Oh. Oh. Okay,” Jensen said, and felt like he was blushing again. Maybe he’d misjudged the whole situation. He still felt some of that confusing rush from being flattered outright by Misha, and Jensen reached up to wipe his forehead, and banged his hand on the goggles. He still hadn’t written code into the program to hide the goggles from any interaction. Misha laughed, probably because he couldn’t see the goggles on Jensen, but could see Jensen’s hand hitting a wall of air right before his forehead.

 

“You know something; I bet you’re really adorable when you blush. That is, when it’s your real face.” Misha was laughing at him, and Jensen was so confused at this point, he didn’t know if Misha was still teasing him, if he was sincere – _does he really think I’m adorable_? Crossed his mind, and he also felt the need to retaliate, if Misha was going to give him a hard time, well, Jensen could dish it out too.

 

 “You know what, Misha? I’d kill you right now but I need you for my grade.” Misha made a face of mock horror, and Jensen stepped forward and ripped the goggles off Misha’s face. Jensen took out his phone and snapped a picture. He looked at it. “Wait. I need you to be blushing, so we’re even.” Jensen took off his own goggles and went over to the controls, shut off the bridge program. He was trying to think of something clever to do or say in the meanwhile to make Misha blush.

 

Misha said behind him, “I’m making you blush? I’m flattered.” With total sincerity in his voice. Not teasing. Jensen blushed all over again. What is this? What was going on? It felt good, but Jensen was afraid of it.

 

He spun around and took a picture of Misha, then looked at it. Misha was blushing. Pleased, he started smiling. “Now I have photographic proof that _you’re_ adorable when you’re blushing,” he found himself saying aloud.

 

And Misha blushed harder, Jensen blushed from saying it, and then Misha grabbed Jensen’s phone. “Give me that!” he said and ran across the room with it. Jensen chased after him and tackled Misha. They both fell over, laughing hysterically. Jensen landed right on top of Misha, and the rush he’d been feeling earlier from the flattery was magnified a hundredfold. It spiked through him and at the same time he realized he was lying on top of Misha and that it felt _incredible_ he was realizing it pained him that he had to move. They were both very quiet and just looking at each other, and it was like there were no barriers between them.

 

Jensen literally forgot to breathe for a few moments.

 

“What’s going on here?” Jensen asked innocently. And then he wished he hadn’t asked, because, again, he felt afraid.

 

Misha pushed him off. “What’s going on is you are being a royal pain in the ass when we are supposed to be doing our homework!” And Misha was putting his goggles back on. “Can you fix your Compuself to look like you, so I don’t feel like I’m talking to a stranger while we do this thing?”

 

Jensen nodded, stood up himself, and went over to the controls. He was able to quickly adjust his image. He was still reeling a little from how it had felt to be laying right on top of Misha, but Misha was right. They needed to quit goofing around and get to their homework. Now that they were getting down to business, Jensen told himself to forget about it for now, because, after all, he couldn’t even figure out how to ask Misha again what was going on, because he really didn’t have the answer himself.

 

The rest of the evening was fun, and definitely more subdued. Misha finally took a look at the bridge once Jensen turned the program back on, and he was in awe, just as Jensen hoped he would be. The bridge was very tall, a high distance up from the lake, just as Misha intended. They weren’t at the point yet where they could stand on it as a solid structure, it wasn’t even secured yet, but they walked all around it and worked on its foundation. They worked well together. The silliness and blushing from before was gone, and they worked in mutual respect to achieve their goal.

 

They worked until 1am again and walked home tired and quiet. They both fell asleep almost immediately, but Jensen did sneak a look at the picture he took of Misha blushing. It made him feel incredibly happy just looking at it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Misha had a wider smile than usual for Jensen, and he returned it, and then kept the memory of that smile close as he went throughout his day. Jensen felt too bashful to speak about their silliness the night before though, and Misha must have felt the same way, because he didn’t bring it up either.

 

They got to know each other pretty well just working on that project. Misha paid close attention to details like Jensen did, they both needed to for their fields of study, and since it was already integrated into their personalities, they were both absorbing information about each other on a continuous basis. They finally adjusted their schedules so they weren’t doing the late night thing anymore. They’d go work on the project for a couple hours, then dinner, and then work on separate homework after that. They would discover later at their shared dinner that they had both collected tidbits about each other and wanted to learn more. Jensen really wished they had even more time to talk. Misha was fascinating.

 

He was surprised to learn Misha had some political aspirations. Small ones, Misha had to keep reminding Jensen. Because he actually interned one summer at the White House, and kept saying to Jensen it wasn’t a big deal, which made Jensen want to sock him, because of course it was a big deal! Misha explained he landed the position with some luck and good grades and a paper he’d written on the state of the bridges in the United States, some of them were older and he wanted regular safety checks implemented. He did some research work for the Department of Transportation while in Washington D.C. Jensen felt proud to share a room with someone who’d actually worked at the White House. Jensen would tease him and call him “El Presidente” sometimes, even with Misha’s constant reminders he wasn’t actually in the White House most days that summer. Misha currently was volunteering on Thursdays to help out the Student Council board, Jensen had known that, figured it was part of Misha’s helpful nature. Misha mentioned one day he was thinking of someday being on the Population Board. Jensen whistled when he heard about it. “Good luck with that!” There were only 24 members on the Population board for the entire Earth and the Moon, and once appointed, they stayed on the board until they retired.

 

Jensen was realizing his roommate was a man of very lofty goals, and it was empowering and inspiring to get to know him, be part of his life, and learn with him.

 

 

Getting to know Misha helped Jensen realize more about his own self. One of the reasons Jensen wanted to be a Compuspace environment designer was because he learned things about people as he worked on an environment for them. People gave away somewhat intimate details about who they were and what they liked when they ordered a design. On the surface Jensen was aware that Compuspace environment was fun and creative, but talking with Misha made Jensen realize he really enjoyed learning things about people, what made them tick. Misha was fascinating not only because he was intelligent, thoughtful, and creative, but because he dug deep when it came to getting to know Jensen – not necessarily asked very personal questions, but really and truly cared about knowing Jensen and understanding him. It opened Jensen’s heart in ways he wasn’t used to and wasn’t sure how do even describe how it felt, other than it felt really good. Every now and then they’d get a little silly, like before, but without mentioning the blushing that was so obviously going on. And they’d get their phones out and take some pictures of each other and then Jensen would be sneaking looks at his phone under the covers at bedtime. Sometimes he’d threaten to post large billboards of the funny photos of Misha in Compuspace. Misha would just say “I’m waiting!”

 

One time as they were walking to the dorm after a rainstorm and Misha was teasing Jensen that he hadn't put up the billboards yet. Misha reached down and picked up an earthworm wiggling in a puddle on the sidewalk. He placed it under his nose, making Jensen flinch – he was almost afraid Misha was going to eat it!

 

“ _El Presidente_ has a dignified mustache now,” Misha said. “It’s my wormstache! Certainly I’m worthy of going on your billboards now?” And the worm actually wiggled and looked like a curvy mustache for a moment.

 

Jensen doubled over, he was laughing so hard. Misha threw the worm back into the puddle and Jensen made him pick it up, to pose for a picture. “Now _this_ is worthy of going on the billboards!” Jensen exclaimed proudly. It became one of his favorite pictures.

 

* * *

 

 

Jensen and Misha both had to study for midterms, and Jensen was devastated one day when he discovered he hadn't done well on a test that he’d studied hard for. He was getting down on himself and wondering if he had what it took to be a Compuspace Environment Designer. He sulked on his bed while Misha studied for a midterm.

 

All the sudden, Misha was no longer at his desk and was sitting right next to Jensen on the bed.

 

“Hey,” Misha said, and motioned for Jensen to sit up. Jensen did so, and then Misha just enclosed Jensen in his arms, just like that, and Jensen realized they’ve never actually embraced before, and suddenly the test didn’t matter at all, all there was, was how incredibly good he felt. And it took a moment, but then he dived in and Jensen returned the hug as if he were finally going home after a very long journey. He couldn’t remember anything feeling as good as having Misha’s warm arms around him and feeling himself up close against Misha’s chest. He remembered the time he’d landed on top of Misha and realized this is what he wanted to do then. He wanted _this_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with this chapter, some of it was easy to write, but I was hoping to include more details about why celibacy is important to Jensen, but decided to let it take the direction it took instead, and hope to touch on that in the next chapter.
> 
> I might go back and make small edits to previous chapters, regarding the world they live in.
> 
> Feedback would be love<3 Especially with this, I'm wondering if the story makes sense.


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